Tag: Friends

I think I have become too dependent on other people, especially my friends. I wasn’t always like this but now I have become, unwilling to sit or stand around by myself. It has become uncomfortable to be sitting without friends or in silence by myself. I hate walking to the lunch line by myself or sitting on an empty table.

I feel the need to seperate from my group and find peace by myself once more but I don’t know how to go about doing so. How can I find somewhere else to sit in the morning or during lunch while everyone else is surrounded by their own friends. 

I think that I struggle now to just be by myself. I used to be fine sitting in silence but now I find the need to be part of conversations or to have my thoughts heard. Have I become dependent on the people around me or have I simply become more social? 

What happens when I don’t have friends to lean on as a social safety net. Will I fade back into the stablity of being by myself?  What happens when I no longer have friends to sit with, people to easily pick up a conversation with or to simply ask if they are getting lunch? Will I lose the need to ask people questions or have to speak to someone to fill the silence?

I used to think that I was a fairly quiet minded person and that I didn’t speak that much but now looking back, I am only like that before you get to know me. Once I open up and start talking I feel that I almost never shut up.

So, do I actually rely on my friends as a social safety net? Are my friends the only reason why I am who I am. Am I too dependent on the fact that they are always there to talk to even if I don’t trust all of them enough to talk to them to the extent that I sometimes feel like talking. Or would I be able to function by myself if left alone? Have I become “social?”

What does it even mean to be social? Talking, knowing people, being on social media, having friends? What is the word social defined as?

Contemplating life…..

~hiddengirl75