Posted in Poetry

Poem + Small Update

Hi…this is awkward. It’s been a while, and my schedule is no longer alive…sorry. Anyway, I’m going on winter break soon so hopefully, I’ll be getting out all the posts that I’ve been mean to but for now, have this poem that I got inspired to write and have rewritten many times and am still not completely satisfied with it but I need some kind of validation.


Over it

So I have this thing
You can call it a crush, 
If you want

I thought it was a blip
An illogical thought
And sometimes I still think it is 

So I tell myself I’m over it

But…
The way she smiles catches me off guard

I’m over it but… 
My breath catches when I’m next to her

There’s a million things that should throw me off 
So I’m over it but…
I find everything so endearing 

I’m not in stats 
But I know it’s all highly improbable 
So I’m completely and totally over it

But…what does it mean when I’m blanking on a math test and she’s all I can think of?

I’m over it but…
Instead of doing homework I’m writing my first poem in forever
About her

But I’m over it…
Even though she’s the one I look to, not the camera

I say I’m over it but…
When she texts I fumble for a response
And when she doesn’t, I hope every notification is her

Denial isn't pretty but neither is rejection 
And that’s all I can think about as I watch her walk away

So I’m completely and totally over it…
But the class we share has got me in a mess  

Love you guys ❤

~calista

Posted in Music Monday

Music Monday: CVS – Winnetka Bowling League

Heyooo peeps! Happy Monday…the 1st of November!! Super exciting!

Anyway, this song slaps. Do people still say that?? Ehh…whatever I’m gonna keep using it :T The “Chocolate hearts from CVS” just hits in a way that is so good. I’ve never found chocolate from CVS good…but like this song makes me want some.

The music video is also pretty cool…even though I haven’t really watched it a lot (just once or twice.)

Music Monday is hosted by Drew at The Tattooed Book Geek. Join in by sharing one of your favorite songs and its lyrics!

CVS – Winnetka Bowling League

Lyrics

I’m starting to think I like
The sound of you and this city
The signs on the cold mass pike
The church is calling from New Amsterdam
And in a dream your future had a voice and he spoke like me
I’m starting to think

That I wanna buy you
Chocolate hearts from CVS
Kiss you too hard and follow you west
Sing you sad songs on a Sunday afternoon
Yeah I think I’d like to
Tie you in ways that you can’t undo
Dinner in bed and Korean food
Say I love you just a little bit too soon

Sleepy town boy
Corduroy bottoms
I keep my fat lip tucked
When you’re talking to me
We’ve got our SSRI’s in common
You check the box on my right-side column

I’m at ease
As quiet as suburban trees
Whenever you get around me
I got all I could ever need

And I wanna buy you
Chocolate hearts from CVS
Kiss you too hard and follow you west
Sing you sad songs on a Sunday afternoon
Yeah I think I’d like to
Tie you in ways that you can’t undo
Dinner in bed and Korean food
Say I love you just a little bit too soon

I’m starting to think I like
The sound of you and this city
The bells and the white search lights
I think I’m ready now to answer them
And in a dream, I hear your hum and noise and it sounds so free

And I wanna buy you
Chocolate hearts from CVS
Kiss you too hard and follow you west
Sing you sad songs on a Sunday afternoon
Yeah I think I’d like to
Tie you in ways that you can’t undo
Dinner in bed and Korean food
Say I love you just a little bit too soon

Lyrics courtesy of Genius

Until we meet again…take a trip to CVS?

~calista

P.S. woahhh that’s my name…weird.

P.P.S omg my intro was a mess…i’m going to keep it that way though lol.

Posted in Talking Story

A change?

Hi, nice to meet you all. I’m Calista. Now you’ve known me as “hiddengirl75” for maybe two years or less, but I’m thinking about changing that. “hiddengirl75” feels so cliche and I suppose it is. It’s the name I wanted to hide behind and write under, but now it just feels too long and too artificial.

If you can’t tell this is one of my late night thoughts and spontaneous decisions. I mean I’ve thought about a name change for a while, but I’ve never really acted on it. It is currently 9:11pm on 9/26/21 and I’m supposed to be doing homework like always. It’s never really a surprise that I’m procrastinating, is it?

I’m currently in between Calista or some sort of abbreviation or something. I might want to keep it simple though just Calista. I don’t even know if I’m going to post this or if it’s just going to sit in my drafts box forever.

I have many reasons for wanting a change…okay maybe not that many but enough. I want to make sure my work isn’t going to be stolen from under me or that I won’t be able to take credit for it. I also want my blog to feel more personal and not just some random person typing. Admitting that though, I am just a random person typing. What a paradox.

Would it be so hard to change everything from “hiddengirl75” to Calista? Would I be willing to give up my small slice of anonymity? Who knows, well I guess you guys will if I ever post this.

Until we meet again….be spontaneous!

~ hiddengirl75 Calista 💕

P.S. Sorry this isn’t a poem…since that’s what I normally post on Wednesdays.

P.P.S. Haha looks like I posted it…whoo

Posted in Music Monday

Music Monday: Drive It Like You Stole It – Sing Street

Guys, gals, and non-binary pals…I’m back. It’s been a while but school got really intense and I didn’t have anything to share, but now I do! Happy Monday….kind of, my fall break just ended so this is my first Monday back in school :((

Anyhoo (did I just realize it’s supposed to be spelled like that…yes), the song I’m sharing today is Drive It Like You Stole It from Sing Street…I am obsessed. I recently watched the movie and I love it. The soundtrack and original songs are AMAZING. I’m only sharing one of the songs but I encourage you to watch the movie or listen to the other songs. It’s very much teenage, coming of age movie which might be why I can relate to it so much…but it is still so good. I’ve been listening to the songs on repeat.

As always, Music Monday is hosted by Drew at The Tattooed Book Geek. Join in by sharing one of your favorite songs and its lyrics!

🎸✨ Drive It Like You Stole It – Sing Street ✨🎬

Ahhh it’s so good

Lyrics

[Verse 1]
You just can't stand the way that I walked out from the wreckage
Can't understand the way that I turned myself around
I tried to terminate this war with you
But you won't let it go, you keep coming back for more

[Pre-Chorus]
Freedom, I'm takin' it back
I'm outta here, no turnin' back
In a baby blue Cadillac
Just when I was stallin', I heard an angel callin'

[Chorus]
This is your life, you can go anywhere
You gotta grab the wheel and own it
And drive it like you stole it
Roll it, this is your life, you can be anything
You gotta learn to rock and roll it
You gotta put the pedal down
And drive it like you stole it
And drive it like you stole it

[Verse 2]
We get stuck in the dirt and we can't see where we're going
We face all kinds of hurt and the friction slows us down
But I won't be waiting here for the world to win me gold
I'll leave your dust behind me, stranded in the road

[Pre-Chorus]
Freedom, I'm takin' it back
Attitude, I'm givin' it back
In a baby blue Cadillac
Just when I was stallin', I heard an angel callin'

[Chorus]
This is your life
You can go anywhere, you gotta grab the wheel and own it
You gotta put the pedal down and drive it like you stole it
This is your life
You can go anywhere, you gotta grab the wheel and own it
And drive it like you stole it, roll it

[Outro]
This is your life
You can be anything
You gotta learn to rock and roll it
You gotta put the pedal down
And drive it like you stole it
(Hoo, hoo, hoo-ooh-ooh)
And drive it like you stole it
(Hoo, hoo, hoo-ooh-ooh)
And drive it like you stole it
(Hoo, hoo, hoo-ooh-ooh)
And drive it like you stole it
(Hoo, hoo, hoo-ooh-ooh)

Lyrics courtesy of Genius

Until we meet again…rock on!

~hiddengirl75

Posted in Fun Friday, Talking Story

Fun Friday: Time Capsule – Childhood Games

How did you spend your childhood? I’ve recently been missing being a child. Maybe it’s because I turned 16 years old earlier this month….but I’ve realized that I really miss some of the games I used to play when I was younger.

I was a play-pretend kind of kid; my friends and I would come up with a game and that would be what we’d do for the afternoon. We’d be pirates, royalty, a family, or Pokémon. I didn’t even know and still don’t know anything about Pokémon but the only guy in our friend group was really into it and he went along with everything we wanted to play so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I miss when hanging out could be as easy as playing pretend.

One of my current friends was never a play-pretend kind of kid, I’m not really sure what kind of kid she was but I was shocked to hear that. Pretending was such a huge part of my childhood, I have no idea what I’d be like without it.

Another activity I miss is jump-roping. I have no idea why but I’ve been really wanting to jump rope, like the multiple people kind. I think there’s just something so fun about jump roping with other people and jumping in and out of the jump rope. My friends and I used to have so many songs to jump rope to and I used to be so good at it. I’d probably really embarrass myself if I tried now, but that wouldn’t stop me if I had the chance.

Like this….but without the tap dancing lol

One last activity I’d like to mention are hand games, like Concentration, Slip Slide (idk if it’s actually called that lol), and Numbers. Did you guys ever play those? Hand games were also a huge part of my childhood….maybe more nearing the end of elementary school, like the pre-teen years but they’re still something I look fondly upon.

It’s kind of sad that I don’t really play them anymore…kind of due to COVID, but also because it’s labeled as childish. I was playing one of the games with my friend and one of our other friends said, “I didn’t know we were in elementary school again.” It was kind of funny at the time but also kind of sad. Now I just play them with my younger brother.

Do you have a favorite childhood game or activity?


Happy🍟 day! I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while but I’ve only had the time to finish it up now. I had a lot of fun reflecting and being nostalgic while writing this though. I hope y’all enjoyed reading, maybe it brought up some happy memories for you?

Until we meet again…act like a kid again.

~hiddengirl75

Posted in Talking Story

Carpe Diem…need I say more?

Guess who just watched Dead Poets Society more times than what is probably healthy?! 🙋🏽 Look I had zero expectations going in, I’ve heard about it before watching but I basically knew nothing about it. Cue the appearance of it on Youtube for free with ads….at 9pm on a school night….what else was I supposed to do, not watch it?? So, as the story goes I watched it and kind of did my homework at the same time. What a way to spend a Thursday night.

Basically that’s all I wanted to say. But also just wanted to shout my love for this movie and the characters from the top of a roof. Besides Richard Cameron, like ew no. Anyway, I’ve been scrolling through Pinterest aesthetics for this movie since then. Kind of want to make one myself……thinking about it as I write this, might include it at the end of this word vomit.

Oooh new goal for this year, read and own the book. Maybe even own the movie on DVD, I think that’d be cool.

Haha I seriously have no train of thought and just wanted to post something to share with you peeps 🙃

I’ve also recently watched Freedom Writers an unhealthy amount of times. That was such an amazing movie. I also watched it in the middle of the night….huh guess that’s a trend. I even ordered the book…kind of excited to read it.

Movies like those kind of just make you want to follow your dreams….even when you don’t really know where they’ll lead you. Taking the road less traveled, right?

They almost inspire me enough to write a new poem….almost. 😅

Until we meet again…follow your dreams.

~hiddengirl75

Posted in Music Monday

Music Monday – Lovesong (The Way) [feat. Bluets] – Charlie Burg

Heyoo peeps! Happy Monday…is it odd that I can’t even remember much of last week’s Monday? …nahhh, it was probably just not that rememberable. Do you guys remember your last Monday?

Anyway, moving past my spotty memory, Music Monday is hosted by Drew at The Tattooed Book Geek. All you have to do is share one of your favorite song and it’s lyrics every Monday, and it’s open to anyone to do!

Today’s song is, “Lovesong (The Way)” from Charlie Burg. I just absolutely love it, it’s been playing on repeat and has been added to practically all my Spotify playlists. It feels old fashioned in a classical sort of way, like the kind of song that’d be played on vinyl from one of those old gramophone record players.

🎤✨ Lovesong (The Way) – Charlie Burg ✨💿

Sadly, there is no music video 😦
[Verse 1]
Why is your voice so sonically pleasing
To me?
I can't figure it out
Slight undertones of sadness
While you tell me you're gonna leave
I cannot bear to see you smiling
In that picture with your friends
I could go on about your smile
It's so grand

[Chorus]
But you take your time
My love
Don't ever tell me that it just takes time
To love
As long as I'm writing this song about your loveliness
Is it too much to ask
For a reply?
Or a text?
Or a way to tell you love me like before?

[Verse 2]
Now you're away with nothing to say
My heart aches like never before
Filled with desire
You've inspired me to write another verse
I think we're alone now
You can tell me it was all just, just a game
Yes, we're alone now
But the feeling's slightly changed
[Chorus]
But you take your time
My love
Don't ever tell me that it just takes time
To love
As long as I'm writing this song about my love for you
Is it too much to ask
For a reply?
Or a text?
Or a way to tell you love me like before?

[Bridge]
In your eyes I see something
I don't want to hear, oh
In your eyes I see poems and novels, short stories
I don't want to hear, oh
But you tell me anyway, anyway, woah

[Chorus]
You take your time
My love
Don't ever tell me that it just takes time
To love
As long as I'm writing this song about your loveliness
Is it too much to ask
For a reply?
Or a text?
Or a way to tell you love me like before? (x2)
Or a way to tell you love me

Lyrics courtesy of Genius

Until we meet again….

~hiddengirl75

Posted in Music Monday

Music Monday: Have We Met Before – Sarah Barrios (with Eric Nam)

Bonjour! I hope you peeps are having a good Monday! It’s Sunday as I’m writing this but I’m hoping for a good Monday. I have French first thing so we’ll see how that goes.

Anyway, as always Music Monday is hosted by Drew at The Tattooed Book Geek. All you have to do is share one of your favorite song and it’s lyrics every Monday, and it’s open to anyone to do!

Today’s song is “Have We Met Before” by Sarah Barrios with Eric Nam. I’ve been playing this song on repeat, I love their vocals. This is the first song I’ve heard from Sarah but I’ve heard Eric before. They’re both amazing!! Highly recommend you look at both of their previous works.

🎶✨ Have We Met Before – Sarah Barrios ✨🕰

You sat down right at the corner of my table
I don’t know what it is but swear I'm feeling deja vu
Black cup of coffee and a book you’re skimming over
You’re a stranger but feel closer and when I'm lookin at you

PRE-CHORUS
Swear I feel you in my memory
I think I’ve seen you in dreams
Maybe you and I have history
But I don’t think you know me

CHORUS
Have we met before
Maybe In another life I knew you
Maybe if I try ill see right through you
And ill remember who we were
Have we met before
Maybe in another
time I loved you
Maybe you’re the one that I would run to
I don’t no why its all a blur
I think I know you

VERSE
I sat down right at the corner of your table
For some reason I thought maybe we had been right here before
Cant concentrate I just keep reading the same pages
And I don’t know how to say it but I wanna (know you more)

PRE-CHORUS
swear I feel you in my memory
I think ive seen you in dreams
Somehow you and I have history
But I don’t think you know me

CHORUS
Have we met before
Maybe In another 
life I knew you
Maybe if I try ill see right through you
And ill remember who we were
Have we met before
Maybe in another time I loved you
Maybe you’re the one that I would run to
I don’t no why its all a blur
I think I know you

Until we meet again…

~hiddengirl75 💕

Posted in Fun Friday, Poetry, Talking Story

Fun Friday: Unfinished Poems

Hi! Look at me, I managed to get out two posts, better than last week. I also got today off from school, so I guess that probably helped me. Anyway, Happy 🍟 day!! I’m having a great day, I went to a meeting online and finished up some of my homework. I’ve been very productive today and now I’m vibing to music while writing this. I hope y’all (hmm…feels weird to type that) have had a good day too.

So, since I haven’t written a full blown out poem in a while I figured why not share the fragments I’ve written. These are the stanzas that haven’t been finished, lines that have been floating in my book, and poems that have yet to be polished off. I still plan to use these lines, I just haven’t found the perfect words for them yet.

I hope you enjoy the mess that is my writing process. 🙂

Words >>>>

Days are like
Driving down a suburban street 
Where all the houses look the same

I am at that age
Ya know the one colleges look at 
(weirdos) 
Well...I'm terrified 
and I mean truly terrified 
that no college will accept me

I am made of my memories 
and yet on paper, colleges do not care
about my pet rock from kindergarten 
it helped me out a lot i swear!

it's not healthy 
staying up late
crying to music
staring at homework
but since when was being a teenager healthy? 

I talked with on of my friends recently
About facades and appearances 

You have a voice that makes words sound like poetry

Their favorite color is red 
and suddenly mine is too

To be called...
Iridescent
Effervescent

That's what I dream of

Well… that’s all I have for now folks. I think it’s fairly apparent what most of these fragments are about or could be about so I decided to not really explain them since I almost never explain my poems. But, I’m definitely going to try and finish some of theses so be on the look out.

Until we meet again…stay safe ❤

~hiddengirl75