Posted in Poetry

(Un)easy

It was easy to be your friend
Because you put in all the effort

Asked all the questions I was used to asking
Listened when it felt like my friends weren’t 
Made me laugh. 

In a twisted way, it felt like you got me 

You’re stuck in my head
Because you’re the only one 
Who’s ever shown interest 
Like that. 

I love the possibility you hold
The fact that something like that
Could happen to me 
Even if it crumbled in the end

When did it fall apart?
When I realized or solidified that you were in for far more than I intended?

I was not oblivious 
I could tell that some part of your intentions were…
Odd 
But I pushed it aside 
Let myself be naive 

But now, 
You know my secrets 
And that scares me

I know yours too
But that only worries me

It was so easy 
It made me uneasy 

It was easy 
Until it wasn’t 

~ calista

Posted in Poetry

Like you

It’s not like I wanted to hate you
But you made it hard not to
Made me feel boring and so small

Everything was wrong

But it was like looking in a mirror
Could I be like you?

It feels weird to hate you 
When we had so much in common 

A tv show you mentioned 
I watch now
And love
Feeling sick 
Because it makes us that much more alike 

I found a music channel 
That you’d probably like 
I was so close to sending it 
But then it’s just be something else we share

It sucks to know so much about you
Cause it means you pop up everywhere
And memories of our conversations 
Flood my head

And it’s not like I wanted to hate you
I don’t 

But when
I’m reminded of everything wrong that you’ve done
I feel a little better 
Because there’s no way
I could be like you. 

~ calista

Posted in Poetry

Gen Z’s Promise

In high school, mental illness is a joke we tell to hide the fact that we need therapy. 

Counselors are our free trial therapists
But we caution, “don’t say too much”
Or else they’ll know we really need help

Instead of parents
We turn to our friends
Therapists that need their own therapy 

We cry for help
While holding back 
Because we don’t want to be a burden

We drown in responsibilities
And pretend we’re okay

Laughing about our absent fathers
While we act as the second adult 

We’re not okay. 

No one should dread going home
Or break down over grades that shouldn’t matter
But parents put too much pressure 
Because they care. 

They protect our future
While forgetting our present
We love them 
While crying ourselves to sleep 
Because as much as we love, we despise 

The perfect catalyst for change

We promise to be better
Better than our parents
Better than how we are now

We make promises to our futures 
We’ll live our lives, not our parents’ 
We’ll work to love our partners, make soulmates 
We won’t weigh down our children with expectations 
We’ll cherish them 

And if the point comes where we’re not okay again
We’ll know when to stop.

We won’t burden our children with our problems
We’ll go to therapy
And heal  

We promise to be better
To be the change that we want to see
To break the cycle that we got caught in 
When our parents’ parents cared too much too

This is our promise. 

~ calista

Posted in Poetry

Poem + Small Update

Hi…this is awkward. It’s been a while, and my schedule is no longer alive…sorry. Anyway, I’m going on winter break soon so hopefully, I’ll be getting out all the posts that I’ve been mean to but for now, have this poem that I got inspired to write and have rewritten many times and am still not completely satisfied with it but I need some kind of validation.


Over it

So I have this thing
You can call it a crush, 
If you want

I thought it was a blip
An illogical thought
And sometimes I still think it is 

So I tell myself I’m over it

But…
The way she smiles catches me off guard

I’m over it but… 
My breath catches when I’m next to her

There’s a million things that should throw me off 
So I’m over it but…
I find everything so endearing 

I’m not in stats 
But I know it’s all highly improbable 
So I’m completely and totally over it

But…what does it mean when I’m blanking on a math test and she’s all I can think of?

I’m over it but…
Instead of doing homework I’m writing my first poem in forever
About her

But I’m over it…
Even though she’s the one I look to, not the camera

I say I’m over it but…
When she texts I fumble for a response
And when she doesn’t, I hope every notification is her

Denial isn't pretty but neither is rejection 
And that’s all I can think about as I watch her walk away

So I’m completely and totally over it…
But the class we share has got me in a mess  

Love you guys ❤

~calista

Posted in Music Monday

Music Monday: CVS – Winnetka Bowling League

Heyooo peeps! Happy Monday…the 1st of November!! Super exciting!

Anyway, this song slaps. Do people still say that?? Ehh…whatever I’m gonna keep using it :T The “Chocolate hearts from CVS” just hits in a way that is so good. I’ve never found chocolate from CVS good…but like this song makes me want some.

The music video is also pretty cool…even though I haven’t really watched it a lot (just once or twice.)

Music Monday is hosted by Drew at The Tattooed Book Geek. Join in by sharing one of your favorite songs and its lyrics!

CVS – Winnetka Bowling League

Lyrics

I’m starting to think I like
The sound of you and this city
The signs on the cold mass pike
The church is calling from New Amsterdam
And in a dream your future had a voice and he spoke like me
I’m starting to think

That I wanna buy you
Chocolate hearts from CVS
Kiss you too hard and follow you west
Sing you sad songs on a Sunday afternoon
Yeah I think I’d like to
Tie you in ways that you can’t undo
Dinner in bed and Korean food
Say I love you just a little bit too soon

Sleepy town boy
Corduroy bottoms
I keep my fat lip tucked
When you’re talking to me
We’ve got our SSRI’s in common
You check the box on my right-side column

I’m at ease
As quiet as suburban trees
Whenever you get around me
I got all I could ever need

And I wanna buy you
Chocolate hearts from CVS
Kiss you too hard and follow you west
Sing you sad songs on a Sunday afternoon
Yeah I think I’d like to
Tie you in ways that you can’t undo
Dinner in bed and Korean food
Say I love you just a little bit too soon

I’m starting to think I like
The sound of you and this city
The bells and the white search lights
I think I’m ready now to answer them
And in a dream, I hear your hum and noise and it sounds so free

And I wanna buy you
Chocolate hearts from CVS
Kiss you too hard and follow you west
Sing you sad songs on a Sunday afternoon
Yeah I think I’d like to
Tie you in ways that you can’t undo
Dinner in bed and Korean food
Say I love you just a little bit too soon

Lyrics courtesy of Genius

Until we meet again…take a trip to CVS?

~calista

P.S. woahhh that’s my name…weird.

P.P.S omg my intro was a mess…i’m going to keep it that way though lol.

Posted in Talking Story

A change?

Hi, nice to meet you all. I’m Calista. Now you’ve known me as “hiddengirl75” for maybe two years or less, but I’m thinking about changing that. “hiddengirl75” feels so cliche and I suppose it is. It’s the name I wanted to hide behind and write under, but now it just feels too long and too artificial.

If you can’t tell this is one of my late night thoughts and spontaneous decisions. I mean I’ve thought about a name change for a while, but I’ve never really acted on it. It is currently 9:11pm on 9/26/21 and I’m supposed to be doing homework like always. It’s never really a surprise that I’m procrastinating, is it?

I’m currently in between Calista or some sort of abbreviation or something. I might want to keep it simple though just Calista. I don’t even know if I’m going to post this or if it’s just going to sit in my drafts box forever.

I have many reasons for wanting a change…okay maybe not that many but enough. I want to make sure my work isn’t going to be stolen from under me or that I won’t be able to take credit for it. I also want my blog to feel more personal and not just some random person typing. Admitting that though, I am just a random person typing. What a paradox.

Would it be so hard to change everything from “hiddengirl75” to Calista? Would I be willing to give up my small slice of anonymity? Who knows, well I guess you guys will if I ever post this.

Until we meet again….be spontaneous!

~ hiddengirl75 Calista 💕

P.S. Sorry this isn’t a poem…since that’s what I normally post on Wednesdays.

P.P.S. Haha looks like I posted it…whoo

Posted in Music Monday

Music Monday: Drive It Like You Stole It – Sing Street

Guys, gals, and non-binary pals…I’m back. It’s been a while but school got really intense and I didn’t have anything to share, but now I do! Happy Monday….kind of, my fall break just ended so this is my first Monday back in school :((

Anyhoo (did I just realize it’s supposed to be spelled like that…yes), the song I’m sharing today is Drive It Like You Stole It from Sing Street…I am obsessed. I recently watched the movie and I love it. The soundtrack and original songs are AMAZING. I’m only sharing one of the songs but I encourage you to watch the movie or listen to the other songs. It’s very much teenage, coming of age movie which might be why I can relate to it so much…but it is still so good. I’ve been listening to the songs on repeat.

As always, Music Monday is hosted by Drew at The Tattooed Book Geek. Join in by sharing one of your favorite songs and its lyrics!

🎸✨ Drive It Like You Stole It – Sing Street ✨🎬

Ahhh it’s so good

Lyrics

[Verse 1]
You just can't stand the way that I walked out from the wreckage
Can't understand the way that I turned myself around
I tried to terminate this war with you
But you won't let it go, you keep coming back for more

[Pre-Chorus]
Freedom, I'm takin' it back
I'm outta here, no turnin' back
In a baby blue Cadillac
Just when I was stallin', I heard an angel callin'

[Chorus]
This is your life, you can go anywhere
You gotta grab the wheel and own it
And drive it like you stole it
Roll it, this is your life, you can be anything
You gotta learn to rock and roll it
You gotta put the pedal down
And drive it like you stole it
And drive it like you stole it

[Verse 2]
We get stuck in the dirt and we can't see where we're going
We face all kinds of hurt and the friction slows us down
But I won't be waiting here for the world to win me gold
I'll leave your dust behind me, stranded in the road

[Pre-Chorus]
Freedom, I'm takin' it back
Attitude, I'm givin' it back
In a baby blue Cadillac
Just when I was stallin', I heard an angel callin'

[Chorus]
This is your life
You can go anywhere, you gotta grab the wheel and own it
You gotta put the pedal down and drive it like you stole it
This is your life
You can go anywhere, you gotta grab the wheel and own it
And drive it like you stole it, roll it

[Outro]
This is your life
You can be anything
You gotta learn to rock and roll it
You gotta put the pedal down
And drive it like you stole it
(Hoo, hoo, hoo-ooh-ooh)
And drive it like you stole it
(Hoo, hoo, hoo-ooh-ooh)
And drive it like you stole it
(Hoo, hoo, hoo-ooh-ooh)
And drive it like you stole it
(Hoo, hoo, hoo-ooh-ooh)

Lyrics courtesy of Genius

Until we meet again…rock on!

~hiddengirl75

Posted in Fun Friday, Talking Story

Fun Friday: Time Capsule – Childhood Games

How did you spend your childhood? I’ve recently been missing being a child. Maybe it’s because I turned 16 years old earlier this month….but I’ve realized that I really miss some of the games I used to play when I was younger.

I was a play-pretend kind of kid; my friends and I would come up with a game and that would be what we’d do for the afternoon. We’d be pirates, royalty, a family, or Pokémon. I didn’t even know and still don’t know anything about Pokémon but the only guy in our friend group was really into it and he went along with everything we wanted to play so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I miss when hanging out could be as easy as playing pretend.

One of my current friends was never a play-pretend kind of kid, I’m not really sure what kind of kid she was but I was shocked to hear that. Pretending was such a huge part of my childhood, I have no idea what I’d be like without it.

Another activity I miss is jump-roping. I have no idea why but I’ve been really wanting to jump rope, like the multiple people kind. I think there’s just something so fun about jump roping with other people and jumping in and out of the jump rope. My friends and I used to have so many songs to jump rope to and I used to be so good at it. I’d probably really embarrass myself if I tried now, but that wouldn’t stop me if I had the chance.

Like this….but without the tap dancing lol

One last activity I’d like to mention are hand games, like Concentration, Slip Slide (idk if it’s actually called that lol), and Numbers. Did you guys ever play those? Hand games were also a huge part of my childhood….maybe more nearing the end of elementary school, like the pre-teen years but they’re still something I look fondly upon.

It’s kind of sad that I don’t really play them anymore…kind of due to COVID, but also because it’s labeled as childish. I was playing one of the games with my friend and one of our other friends said, “I didn’t know we were in elementary school again.” It was kind of funny at the time but also kind of sad. Now I just play them with my younger brother.

Do you have a favorite childhood game or activity?


Happy🍟 day! I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while but I’ve only had the time to finish it up now. I had a lot of fun reflecting and being nostalgic while writing this though. I hope y’all enjoyed reading, maybe it brought up some happy memories for you?

Until we meet again…act like a kid again.

~hiddengirl75

Posted in Talking Story

Carpe Diem…need I say more?

Guess who just watched Dead Poets Society more times than what is probably healthy?! 🙋🏽 Look I had zero expectations going in, I’ve heard about it before watching but I basically knew nothing about it. Cue the appearance of it on Youtube for free with ads….at 9pm on a school night….what else was I supposed to do, not watch it?? So, as the story goes I watched it and kind of did my homework at the same time. What a way to spend a Thursday night.

Basically that’s all I wanted to say. But also just wanted to shout my love for this movie and the characters from the top of a roof. Besides Richard Cameron, like ew no. Anyway, I’ve been scrolling through Pinterest aesthetics for this movie since then. Kind of want to make one myself……thinking about it as I write this, might include it at the end of this word vomit.

Oooh new goal for this year, read and own the book. Maybe even own the movie on DVD, I think that’d be cool.

Haha I seriously have no train of thought and just wanted to post something to share with you peeps 🙃

I’ve also recently watched Freedom Writers an unhealthy amount of times. That was such an amazing movie. I also watched it in the middle of the night….huh guess that’s a trend. I even ordered the book…kind of excited to read it.

Movies like those kind of just make you want to follow your dreams….even when you don’t really know where they’ll lead you. Taking the road less traveled, right?

They almost inspire me enough to write a new poem….almost. 😅

Until we meet again…follow your dreams.

~hiddengirl75