Posted in Poetry

(Un)easy

It was easy to be your friend
Because you put in all the effort

Asked all the questions I was used to asking
Listened when it felt like my friends weren’t 
Made me laugh. 

In a twisted way, it felt like you got me 

You’re stuck in my head
Because you’re the only one 
Who’s ever shown interest 
Like that. 

I love the possibility you hold
The fact that something like that
Could happen to me 
Even if it crumbled in the end

When did it fall apart?
When I realized or solidified that you were in for far more than I intended?

I was not oblivious 
I could tell that some part of your intentions were…
Odd 
But I pushed it aside 
Let myself be naive 

But now, 
You know my secrets 
And that scares me

I know yours too
But that only worries me

It was so easy 
It made me uneasy 

It was easy 
Until it wasn’t 

~ calista

Posted in Poetry

Like you

It’s not like I wanted to hate you
But you made it hard not to
Made me feel boring and so small

Everything was wrong

But it was like looking in a mirror
Could I be like you?

It feels weird to hate you 
When we had so much in common 

A tv show you mentioned 
I watch now
And love
Feeling sick 
Because it makes us that much more alike 

I found a music channel 
That you’d probably like 
I was so close to sending it 
But then it’s just be something else we share

It sucks to know so much about you
Cause it means you pop up everywhere
And memories of our conversations 
Flood my head

And it’s not like I wanted to hate you
I don’t 

But when
I’m reminded of everything wrong that you’ve done
I feel a little better 
Because there’s no way
I could be like you. 

~ calista

Posted in Poetry

Gen Z’s Promise

In high school, mental illness is a joke we tell to hide the fact that we need therapy. 

Counselors are our free trial therapists
But we caution, “don’t say too much”
Or else they’ll know we really need help

Instead of parents
We turn to our friends
Therapists that need their own therapy 

We cry for help
While holding back 
Because we don’t want to be a burden

We drown in responsibilities
And pretend we’re okay

Laughing about our absent fathers
While we act as the second adult 

We’re not okay. 

No one should dread going home
Or break down over grades that shouldn’t matter
But parents put too much pressure 
Because they care. 

They protect our future
While forgetting our present
We love them 
While crying ourselves to sleep 
Because as much as we love, we despise 

The perfect catalyst for change

We promise to be better
Better than our parents
Better than how we are now

We make promises to our futures 
We’ll live our lives, not our parents’ 
We’ll work to love our partners, make soulmates 
We won’t weigh down our children with expectations 
We’ll cherish them 

And if the point comes where we’re not okay again
We’ll know when to stop.

We won’t burden our children with our problems
We’ll go to therapy
And heal  

We promise to be better
To be the change that we want to see
To break the cycle that we got caught in 
When our parents’ parents cared too much too

This is our promise. 

~ calista

Posted in Poetry

Poem + Small Update

Hi…this is awkward. It’s been a while, and my schedule is no longer alive…sorry. Anyway, I’m going on winter break soon so hopefully, I’ll be getting out all the posts that I’ve been mean to but for now, have this poem that I got inspired to write and have rewritten many times and am still not completely satisfied with it but I need some kind of validation.


Over it

So I have this thing
You can call it a crush, 
If you want

I thought it was a blip
An illogical thought
And sometimes I still think it is 

So I tell myself I’m over it

But…
The way she smiles catches me off guard

I’m over it but… 
My breath catches when I’m next to her

There’s a million things that should throw me off 
So I’m over it but…
I find everything so endearing 

I’m not in stats 
But I know it’s all highly improbable 
So I’m completely and totally over it

But…what does it mean when I’m blanking on a math test and she’s all I can think of?

I’m over it but…
Instead of doing homework I’m writing my first poem in forever
About her

But I’m over it…
Even though she’s the one I look to, not the camera

I say I’m over it but…
When she texts I fumble for a response
And when she doesn’t, I hope every notification is her

Denial isn't pretty but neither is rejection 
And that’s all I can think about as I watch her walk away

So I’m completely and totally over it…
But the class we share has got me in a mess  

Love you guys ❤

~calista

Posted in Fun Friday, Poetry, Talking Story

Fun Friday: Unfinished Poems

Hi! Look at me, I managed to get out two posts, better than last week. I also got today off from school, so I guess that probably helped me. Anyway, Happy 🍟 day!! I’m having a great day, I went to a meeting online and finished up some of my homework. I’ve been very productive today and now I’m vibing to music while writing this. I hope y’all (hmm…feels weird to type that) have had a good day too.

So, since I haven’t written a full blown out poem in a while I figured why not share the fragments I’ve written. These are the stanzas that haven’t been finished, lines that have been floating in my book, and poems that have yet to be polished off. I still plan to use these lines, I just haven’t found the perfect words for them yet.

I hope you enjoy the mess that is my writing process. 🙂

Words >>>>

Days are like
Driving down a suburban street 
Where all the houses look the same

I am at that age
Ya know the one colleges look at 
(weirdos) 
Well...I'm terrified 
and I mean truly terrified 
that no college will accept me

I am made of my memories 
and yet on paper, colleges do not care
about my pet rock from kindergarten 
it helped me out a lot i swear!

it's not healthy 
staying up late
crying to music
staring at homework
but since when was being a teenager healthy? 

I talked with on of my friends recently
About facades and appearances 

You have a voice that makes words sound like poetry

Their favorite color is red 
and suddenly mine is too

To be called...
Iridescent
Effervescent

That's what I dream of

Well… that’s all I have for now folks. I think it’s fairly apparent what most of these fragments are about or could be about so I decided to not really explain them since I almost never explain my poems. But, I’m definitely going to try and finish some of theses so be on the look out.

Until we meet again…stay safe ❤

~hiddengirl75

Posted in Poetry

Drown

Can I drown out my thoughts...please? 
The music isn’t loud enough
The silence allows too much

Too much
Thinking
Feeling
Doubting
Crying

I’m tired
Can it stop? please...

🔊

Alone
I’m so alone
Lost in my thoughts
Drowning

Can I drown them?
Before they drown me
Oh
How the tables would turn

Maybe not
I don’t deserve it
Maybe I should drown
It’s not too much
Not a problem
My thoughts
Not too intrusive

I can drown
Let the darkness consume me
Just a while longer

Maybe they’ll disappear
Just let them take me

The lyrics
The song
Muffled
Too quiet
Not enough

🔊

Thoughts persevere
I can float a while longer
Save the others, not me…

Until we meet again…have all my love and stay safe ❤

~hiddengirl75

P.S. Featured Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay

Posted in Poetry

Random Question

Hey… 
Random question… 
How are you doing today?

We haven’t talked in a while
And I fear we are drifting away

I tell myself it’s logical
We were not meant to be
But deep inside I wonder
Then why did we meet?

I know it sounds cliche 
Like a silly love story
But our friendship is important
So can it please not be

Not all relationships are fairy tales
And ours certainly is not
I thought we’d be friends forever 
But it turns out we may not

I drifted away 
And you’ve disappeared
At least that’s how I see it

On other days I wonder
Could I be misled?
Maybe I disappeared
And you’ve drifted away
But who knows how you see it 

I tell myself it’s logical
To stay far away
I’ll be safer
And away from heartbreak

You have not texted me
And I have not messaged you

There are days where I falter
And reach out to text you
It’s almost second nature
With the 24/7 texting
We used to do

Now it’s been 2 months 
And I wonder if you miss me too…
Though you probably do not
And I probably meant nothing to you

So I stay away
Convincing myself that’s the truth
If you wanted to talk to me
You would have
But there’s nothing I can do.

Hi, this was a really old poem, well not REALLY old, but pretty old. It doesn’t really mean the same thing it meant when I first wrote it but I still really like it so I decided to post it anyway. I can’t remember why I didn’t post it when I originally wrote it but here it is now. 🙂

Until we meet again…have all my love and stay safe ❤

~hiddengirl75

P.S. Featured Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay

Posted in Poetry

Panic

I feel lost
And shaken

In my chest
This heavy feeling
Don’t ask me
I don’t know why

Breathing
Hurts

I feel like I’m drowning

Then again,
It’s nothing like drowning

I’ve been close once
To drowning
I mean

This is nothing like that

I can’t-
Panicking
I’m panicked
I can’t-

My brain hurts
And my chest is heavy

I feel so lost
Drowning
Not

Can’t breath
Chest heavy

Why? please...

Until we meet again…have all my love ❤

~hiddengirl75

P.S. Featured Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay

P.P.S. I don’t necessarily think this is a good poem, but I decided to post it anyway because I figured that poetry isn’t black and white, good or bad, and if anything it’ll just show that sometimes I write bad poetry, or at least something that I think is bad.

Posted in Poetry

Nighttime

I love the night
My thoughts flow freely
An abundance of poems,
Stars, dreams…

Silence
It’s warm
Soft noises
Pen scratching

I love the night

It’s quiet
Empty
Dark

My thoughts flow
Unstoppable
Headaches
Heartaches

The silence
It’s cold
My bones hurt
It’s deafening

Lights are bright
Stars invisible
Dreams Nightmares

I hate the night

Until we meet again…

~hiddengirl75 ❤

P.S. Featured Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay

P.P.S. A new video is going to be posted on my youtube channel around now, look out for it! It’s one of my more recent poems and I had planned for it to be the first poem I did in spoken word but that obviously changed lol. Thanks for your support!

Posted in Poetry

Ready or NOT

I'm scared
Not ready to be an adult.

College student
Not college 
Who knows

Middle school me had everything figured out
College
Major 
Ready to leave the state 

Now I don't know anything
Don't want to study for tests 
Or walk the stage 

I just want to be a kid
Twirl around in the rain 
Laugh 
Be rebellious

Stay out past midnight 
Pancakes at 2 in the morning 
Drive around with no destination 

There's 2 years 'til I walk that stage 
No drivers license yet 
Or broken rules

I've laid low 
Stayed safe 
And studied for those tests 

I'm tired 
Anxious
And I just want to be a kid

Until we meet again…be a kid, have fun ❤

~hiddengirl75

P.S. Featured Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay