Author: Calista

- high schooler - poet - wanderer
Posted in Books, Talking Story

A court of thorns and roses: A brief rant and recommendation

Posted on by Calista

Hello, so I recently I read the series a court of thorns and roses. And let me tell you it was a ride. To be honest most of the feelings I will convey in this post will be about the third book (A court of wings and ruin) because I had just finished reading it when I felt the need to share my emotions with someone. Of course I would talk to my book loving friend about it but she had specifically told me “DO NOT READ! SAVE YOUR INNOCENCE!” So I figured it would be best to not tell her. As I had purposely read it to not obey her.

I speed through this book series with no self-discipline. It was a roller coaster of emotions, it tore out my heart, stomped on it and then shoved it back in. It made me smile, laugh and flush with embarrassment. I absolutely loved the series and it was done too soon. The twists and turns and the character development was amazing. I was able to feel the characters feelings and understand each of them. Each character was so well written and crafted to perdection. I want to gush about so many scenes in this book, that made me cry or scream in anguish but I wouldn’t want to spoil it for anyone. So here is the WARNING a head of time. THERE WILL BE SPOILERS, so here we go. Also, I obviously recommend this book to anyone and everyone, maybe this is the series that will spark your love for reading.

WARNING

I don’t completely remember all of my raw feelings for the first two books because I have to admit, I may have speed through it a little too fast to enjoy it fully. But I do remember the feelings from the third book. Hw I wanted to cry when they found Elain missing. How I smiled when we learned that Mor was a lesbian or bi, I’m honestly not sure but I know she favors girls. How I cried my eyes out and how it felt like my heart was being torn apart as Feyre found out that Rhysand was dead and the agony I felt as she cried and begged for the lords to save him. The pure joy I felt when the prick came back to life with a snarky remark, dragging Amren back with him.

I wish that it didn’t ever have to end, but like all good things it must come to an end. I think this is why I read so much, it allows me to feel so freely and raw.

Of course there are so many more scenes and feelings that I could list but I got most of the gushing out of my system, so I think I’m going to stop here after leaving behind a few ending spoilers. Thanks to listening to me rant for a little while. Also, I definitly recommend reading this series, but only if you think you are mature enough.

~hiddengirl75

Chaotic Mess

Okay so this blog is a definite mess. I have changed the uses of it multiple times and have even considered deleting it but I won’t so no need to worry. (Lol like there is anyone to worry.) Hopefully I will start posting “normally” and hopefully it will be insightful.

Peace. hiddengirl75.

Status• Posted on by Calista
Posted in Talking Story

Doubt

Posted on by Calista

I have pretty much abandoned this blog. I am starting to doubt where this is going. I think I’m going to change the purpose of this blog or open a new blog. I don’t like the way this blog is going and I think I started it on a fly. So I’m going to most likely stop posting and start over. I want to keep up these posts because I think it is good to look back and see what I wrote and my thoughts from this time. I think this may be a very hasty decision but I don’t see where this blog is going.

So until we meet again…

~ hiddengirl75

New Idea?

So I have been playing with the idea of doing a 30 day blog thing or a 30 day photography challenge that I would post on my blog. I am not sure if it’s a good idea or not, so I’m just throwing it out there as a future possibility.

Status• Posted on by Calista
Posted in Talking Story

Dependent

Posted on by Calista

I think I have become too dependent on other people, especially my friends. I wasn’t always like this but now I have become, unwilling to sit or stand around by myself. It has become uncomfortable to be sitting without friends or in silence by myself. I hate walking to the lunch line by myself or sitting on an empty table.

I feel the need to seperate from my group and find peace by myself once more but I don’t know how to go about doing so. How can I find somewhere else to sit in the morning or during lunch while everyone else is surrounded by their own friends. 

I think that I struggle now to just be by myself. I used to be fine sitting in silence but now I find the need to be part of conversations or to have my thoughts heard. Have I become dependent on the people around me or have I simply become more social? 

What happens when I don’t have friends to lean on as a social safety net. Will I fade back into the stablity of being by myself?  What happens when I no longer have friends to sit with, people to easily pick up a conversation with or to simply ask if they are getting lunch? Will I lose the need to ask people questions or have to speak to someone to fill the silence?

I used to think that I was a fairly quiet minded person and that I didn’t speak that much but now looking back, I am only like that before you get to know me. Once I open up and start talking I feel that I almost never shut up.

So, do I actually rely on my friends as a social safety net? Are my friends the only reason why I am who I am. Am I too dependent on the fact that they are always there to talk to even if I don’t trust all of them enough to talk to them to the extent that I sometimes feel like talking. Or would I be able to function by myself if left alone? Have I become “social?”

What does it even mean to be social? Talking, knowing people, being on social media, having friends? What is the word social defined as?

Contemplating life…..

~hiddengirl75

Labels Clarification

So when I wrote the poem that was how I felt people saw me, however it isn’t always like that anymore around my friends or other people. But the poem matched with the “Labels” theme so I decided to post it.

~ hiddengirl75

Posted in Poetry

Labels #2

Posted on by Calista

I am more than my label

I  am more than my name

I am more than the feelings

That shines through my pain

~

Who am I

I am the girl

Who sits behind you in math class

And hardly dares to breathe

~

I am the quiet unspoken words

I am the brainiac or bookworm

I am the one who does it all

~

I don’t have feelings

Or a reason to worry

For my life is perfect and without care

~

I am the girl who gets good grades

I am the girl who isn’t afraid

I am the girl who doesn’t have emotions

I am the girl who wishes no hard feelings

~

I am the girl who gets disappointed

I am the girl who cries over Bs

I am the girl who shakes her head when you start to breathe

The vicious vape that corrupts your brain

And turns you into the monster you are today

~

Who am I really

I am the girl who loves poetry

I am the girl who bakes feverishly

I am the girl who laughs and who cries

~

The question is who am I to you

I am the girl who isn’t ever seen

I am the girl listens to your pleads

I am the girl that doesn’t seem to break

I am the girl that worries over useless mistakes

~ hiddengirl75