Hi! So it’s really late at night for me, 12:33 am to be precise, and I have done a thing. I also have homework I really need to do so I’m going to keep this shortish…
Basically I have a youtube channel now. O.o
Yeah, I know I can barely keep up with blogging and now a youtube channel…I’m insane. But the idea of turning my poems into Spoken Word Poetry has been floating in my head since I first listened to a video from luna poems. (She’s great >_<)
So yeah…my first video…check it out maybe? Don’t hate on me please…I am a nervous wreck that can’t really take criticism.
I'm scared
Not ready to be an adult.
College student
Not college
Who knows
Middle school me had everything figured out
College
Major
Ready to leave the state
Now I don't know anything
Don't want to study for tests
Or walk the stage
I just want to be a kid
Twirl around in the rain
Laugh
Be rebellious
Stay out past midnight
Pancakes at 2 in the morning
Drive around with no destination
There's 2 years 'til I walk that stage
No drivers license yet
Or broken rules
I've laid low
Stayed safe
And studied for those tests
I'm tired
Anxious
And I just want to be a kid
There’s an itch
At the very back of my head
“I did something wrong”
“It’s my fault”
I am
Terrified
Of rejection
And now,
It’s staring me in the face
Messages unread
Unanswered
Only my bubbles to fill the gap
I’ve tried again
“Maybe I’m overthinking it”
“It was just bad timing”
But at some point
It becomes pointless
Too scared
To ask
To confront
Too scared of rejection
So the itch remains
“I was too clingy”
“Too pushy”
“Annoying”
“Maybe it all meant nothing”
“I didn’t pay enough attention”
“I overshared”
“Didn’t listen”
Texts remain unanswered
The itch growing stronger
An added ache in my stomach
I think I’ll just give up now
Space
That’s the answer
A void
A gap
Space
It hurts
The itch remains
Egged on by my fear
Maybe my pride
“I won’t text first”
… *hiddengirl75 is typing*
2 years and 1 month! Can I believe it? Nope! Is it true? Apparently??
I am so happy I still have this blog, even though I haven’t posted recently. Considering that a while ago I thought about deleting my blog, I think that the fact I’m now proud of it is worth a lot.
I still can’t believe I missed my actual 2 year anniversary, but time isn’t really relevant anymore…is it? I’ve spent my entire, well almost entire sophomore year online, it’s crazy. I think I’ve grown quite a bit, though I’m not sure how that will help my poetry writing seeing that I haven’t written anything new recently. Which is kind of sad, but I’m working on it. The summer time will be when I post more, hopefully. 🙂
Looking Back…
I had 3 hopes from my post last year and I’ve completed 2.
I hope to keep up writing poems but I feel that I have hit a writer’s block. ✔️
I plan to find a name for my egg person.
I will have more adventures that I will be able to share. ✔️
I was able to write a handful of poems that I’m pretty proud of like…”Sweet Spinning” and “Skies.” I like all my poems, so feel free to check them out after reading this post!
My egg person unfortunately still does not have a name, but if you have any suggestions I am open to ideas!
Our picnic set up, so aesthetic (Photo by me)
I have had more adventures and they’ve been great! I’ve gone hiking, picnicking and movie nights with friends, volunteering, and going out of my comfort zone. I joined my school’s newspaper staff this year and that definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone. As a result, I’ve gotten more comfortable emailing others and taking pictures of school events. I also tried out and loved a new category in speech and debate. I currently do Duo Interpretation with one of my best friends, where we learn and perform a script. I absolutely love performing and have become much more extroverted. I’ve had tons of fun and plan to do more next year, maybe I’ll blog about it?
Future Hopes!
I hope to do more posts outside of poetry.
I want to post regularly, at least once a week.
I want to add more pictures or something to my posts, I feel like my posts are just a bunch of words and that’s understandable for poetry but for everything else I want to add more ✨color✨.
Until we meet again…
I can’t wait to see what the future holds. This year has been great so far, I’ve meet a handful of new people and I’ve interacting with other blogs on WordPress more!
I hope that everyone stays safe, healthy, and happy! Do things for yourself, you deserve it! Thank you all for being here!!
It’s currently May 16th, 2021 but I’ll probably post this 3 or something days from now so that it’s officially “and 1 month.”
But, I just realized I missed my own 2 year anniversary, and I’m pretty sad about it. Or maybe I’ll post an actual post of like goals and stuff on my 2 year + 1 month anniversary Yeah, I’m going to do that, post this now and make an actual post later because I feel like acknowledging that I remembered right now at like 12:30am…yupp.
I will also be posting my stories with color tag post soon, hopefully at the end of this week, maybe if school is nice to me. Wow…this was really just an update middle of the night post.
Until we meet again…in the middle of the night lol
I’m sick
For my second home
It’s not a place but rather people
Memories that I’ve made
With the kids, I knew in 2nd grade
I miss the smiles and the laughter
The events that felt like an escape
I remember everything quite fondly
Even the moments that made me want to run away
There’s a warmth that I’ve associated with them
A feeling that I’ve longed for
Smiles that felt like hugs and yet,
Old pictures make me feel sick
An emptiness inside
Making me want to cry
I dream about meeting up
Imagining interactions
Fond recounts
And catching up
But when I run into them
It’s awkward
I run away
Or shift, stand and smile
Conversations do not flow
Like I had hoped
But rather my words get jumbled
No longer do they feel like home
So I retreat
To my memories
Where they still feel like home
And dream of the times
Smiles were hugs
~hiddengirl75
P.S. I have a Talk Story blog post coming out soon for a tag I was nominated to do, and I’m sorry it’s taking me so long to do it but school has been draining my creativity
So, I hope you enjoy this poem that came from a burst of creativity and nostalgia. 💕
Heyo peeps, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted but I can explain. I’ve had the worst case of writers block, and all the poems I have been able to write I couldn’t post because they were for a school contest and yeahhh. Anyway, I am so excited to do this post because this is the first time I’ve ever been nominated for a tag! Thank you to Pavithra from Small Talks for nominating me! I must admit I haven’t read a lot of her posts, but the ones I have read are amazing, so check out her blog!
Come up with 5 questions of your own. (4 have to be about peer pressure; 1 can be random and about whatever)
Tag at least 10 people and provide links to their blogs. Please no “you!”
Recommend at least 5 books or songs you see everywhere/are very popular that you’ve read or listened to.
Use the hashtag #peer pressure tag for easier visibility
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Questions
1. What kind of music do you listen to and why?
I like to think that I listen to a wide spectrum of music, but I often find myself listening to pop, kpop, indie pop, some light rock, musical soundtracks, and classical pieces. Heh, that’s a lot of pop, but I’m not very good at identifying music genres. I often listen to kpop because of the meaning behind the lyrics and a lot of my favorite songs are kpop so…yeahhh.
2. What is your favorite quote? Why do you like it?
I had the hardest time picking a quote but I finally settled on,
“You say ‘amateur’ as if it’s a dirty word. ‘Amateur’ comes from the latin word ‘amare’, which means to love. To do things for the love of it.”
– Mozart in the Jungle
Currently it is my favorite quote because I am always really self conscious about trying new things. I have tons of interests but I find myself not pursing them because I’m too scared of not being good at it and embarrassing myself in front of others. This quote is a reminder to me that it’s okay to do things just because I love it or I’m interested in it, and I don’t need to be exceptionally good at it.
3. How do you handle stress or anxiety?
I bake, write a poem, or text my friends. No matter what I end up doing there will always be music involved.
4. Are you a inside or outside person?
I thought I was more of an inside person, but maybe I’m a bit of both. Like I don’t like hiking, but I don’t totally hate the beach or parks, but I like being at a library or mall more than the nature scenes…so idk.
5. (Random ques) what did you searched last in your Google!?
My last Google search was for a hot rod and classic car show at Pearlridge. Basically, there was a car show at this mall I was at and I wanted to know more about it, like it would end at a certain time…that search gave me nothing but I did get to see the cars so, yay! Fun fact: I think that classic cars are just so cool, and I wish I could have one…even though I don’t know how to drive yet lol
Song Recommendations
Chivalry Is Dead – Trevor Wesley
Flicker – I-LAND Ver.
POP/STARS – K/DA
Run Away – TXT
Agoraphobia – CORPSE
My Questions
Have you ever done anything because you were scared you’d be missing out? (FOMO)
Do you often do things just because your friends or someone close to you is doing it?
Have you ever felt uneasy about giving your opinion simply because it would be unpopular?
Do you ever find yourself running away from popular things because you don’t want to be labelled as “basic?”
The Inspired Page (So…she said she won’t be posting anytime soon…but if she returns, this nomination will be waiting.)
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Small Joys Tag
Thank you again to Pavithra for nominating me for this tag too!
Rules
Thank the blogger who nominated you.
List 15 of your joys
Nominate 5 other bloggers that bring you joy and feel free to say why!
Joys
1. Dressing up and dancing to waltz/classical music @homeby myself
I’m going through like a constant regency era/ballroom dancing phase…so yeah, living my dreams lol.
2. Reading for fun
I don’t read for fun a lot anymore or recently because I’m in a reading slump and I just don’t have a lot of time anymore. But reading for school just takes the fun out of things, so I only really like reading on my own time.
3. Watching favorite tv shows/movies
I have tons of favorite/comfort shows and movies including Criminal Minds, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, Anne with an E, Gilmore Girls and Harry Potter.
4. Fangirling over…my biases, OTPs, and so much more
5. Writing poetry
So my thing is kind of writing poetry..so, it’d be kind of awkward if I didn’t find joy in writing them 😅
6. Talking with friends
I love my friends…they make great therapists and fangirling partners!
There’s just something about decorating and writing letters. Snail mail is just so cool!
11. Baking and desserts
I find baking very therapeutic and I have a huge sweet tooth.
12. Performing in speech and debate club
If you don’t know I’m in my school’s speech and debate club and I love it to pieces. I’m currently a part of a duo and it’s just so fun to act with friends.
13. Jackets, collared shirts, and shoes
I have absolutely adore jackets, collared shirts, and shoes. What more can I say?
Midnight Wanderer – How can one person’s blog be so aesthetically pleasing? I love her blog posts; she has great book reviews, thoughtful conversations, and amazing photos.
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This has been so much fun…and I definitely procrastinated on so much homework while writing this post. 😅 And this is also the most gifs and photos I’ve ever put into a post, but it was just so addicting; adding gifs. Anyway I hope this was a fun post, and I look forward to posting again soon! Thank you again to Pavithra for nominating me!
I don’t know what to say
But when I see a sky I think of you
It’s breathtaking and colorful
Everything I’d like to share
Photos don’t capture its essence
The colors are muted, almost dead
So I don’t show you
I could explain!
But words couldn’t do it justice, so I don’t.
Is it enough to know it made me think of you?
But it’s so easy to overthink and that message is never sent.
It was orange and pink, red too… maybe some purple
The sun was setting and the sky glowed… but you’ll never know.
I saw the sky again, blue.
Breathtaking and beautiful
The phone didn’t get it right, again.
I thought of you
When I saw the deep blues and turquoise.
Why? I don’t know
But skies make me think of you
I suppose it’s more than just skies
Everything makes me think of you
When I’m excited one of my first thoughts is to tell you
Or if I have a song stuck in my head
Or if I had a bad day
That meme reminded me of you too
Gosh you’re everywhere
And I don’t think it’s that way for you
It hurts but,
Whatever this is it’s probably one-sided, right?
I don’t know how you are around others but I’m probably not special
And I highly doubt anything makes you think of me
But it’s so easy to dream, so I do
Because skies make me think of you
I want to live in the moment.
I want to look at the stars and wonder.
I want to talk to the moon and dream.
I want to wake early to see the sunrise.
I want to close my eyes just for a moment and simply be.
But the world won’t let me.
My deadlines hang in the air above me.
My homework creates piles that drown me.
My doom ticks closer with each passing day, each passing breath.
There is no time to live in the moment.
There is no time for me to wonder, dream, be, breathe,
or even get a decent amount of sleep.
Yeah, I’m going to do that, post this now and make an actual post later because I feel like acknowledging that I remembered right now at like 12:30am…yupp. 
Wandering with me 