Posted in Poetry

Ready or NOT

I'm scared
Not ready to be an adult.

College student
Not college 
Who knows

Middle school me had everything figured out
College
Major 
Ready to leave the state 

Now I don't know anything
Don't want to study for tests 
Or walk the stage 

I just want to be a kid
Twirl around in the rain 
Laugh 
Be rebellious

Stay out past midnight 
Pancakes at 2 in the morning 
Drive around with no destination 

There's 2 years 'til I walk that stage 
No drivers license yet 
Or broken rules

I've laid low 
Stayed safe 
And studied for those tests 

I'm tired 
Anxious
And I just want to be a kid

Until we meet again…be a kid, have fun ❤

~hiddengirl75

P.S. Featured Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay

Posted in Poetry

Space

There’s an itch
At the very back of my head 
“I did something wrong”
“It’s my fault” 

I am 
Terrified 
Of rejection

And now, 
It’s staring me in the face

Messages unread
Unanswered
Only my bubbles to fill the gap

I’ve tried again
“Maybe I’m overthinking it” 
“It was just bad timing” 
But at some point
It becomes pointless

Too scared
To ask
To confront
Too scared of rejection

So the itch remains
“I was too clingy” 
“Too pushy” 
“Annoying” 

“Maybe it all meant nothing” 
“I didn’t pay enough attention”

“I overshared” 
“Didn’t listen” 

Texts remain unanswered
The itch growing stronger
An added ache in my stomach

I think I’ll just give up now
Space
That’s the answer

A void
A gap
Space

It hurts

The itch remains
Egged on by my fear
Maybe my pride
“I won’t text first” 

… *hiddengirl75 is typing*

Until we meet again…stay safe ❤

~hiddengirl75

P.S. Featured Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay

Posted in Poetry

Homesick

I’m sick
For my second home
It’s not a place but rather people
Memories that I’ve made 
With the kids, I knew in 2nd grade

I miss the smiles and the laughter
The events that felt like an escape
I remember everything quite fondly
Even the moments that made me want to run away

There’s a warmth that I’ve associated with them
A feeling that I’ve longed for
Smiles that felt like hugs and yet,
Old pictures make me feel sick
An emptiness inside
Making me want to cry

I dream about meeting up
Imagining interactions
Fond recounts
And catching up

But when I run into them
It’s awkward
I run away
Or shift, stand and smile
Conversations do not flow
Like I had hoped
But rather my words get jumbled
No longer do they feel like home

So I retreat 
To my memories
Where they still feel like home
And dream of the times
Smiles were hugs

~hiddengirl75

P.S. I have a Talk Story blog post coming out soon for a tag I was nominated to do, and I’m sorry it’s taking me so long to do it but school has been draining my creativity :/

So, I hope you enjoy this poem that came from a burst of creativity and nostalgia. 💕

Posted in Poetry

Skies

I don’t know what to say
But when I see a sky I think of you
It’s breathtaking and colorful
Everything I’d like to share 
Photos don’t capture its essence
The colors are muted, almost dead
So I don’t show you
I could explain!
But words couldn’t do it justice, so I don’t. 
Is it enough to know it made me think of you?
But it’s so easy to overthink and that message is never sent.
It was orange and pink, red too… maybe some purple
The sun was setting and the sky glowed… but you’ll never know. 

I saw the sky again, blue. 
Breathtaking and beautiful 
The phone didn’t get it right, again. 
I thought of you
When I saw the deep blues and turquoise. 
Why? I don’t know
But skies make me think of you

I suppose it’s more than just skies
Everything makes me think of you
When I’m excited one of my first thoughts is to tell you
Or if I have a song stuck in my head
Or if I had a bad day
That meme reminded me of you too
Gosh you’re everywhere 
And I don’t think it’s that way for you

It hurts but,
Whatever this is it’s probably one-sided, right?
I don’t know how you are around others but I’m probably not special
And I highly doubt anything makes you think of me

But it’s so easy to dream, so I do
Because skies make me think of you 

~hiddengirl75

P.S. The photo is mine.

Posted in Poetry

I want…

I want to live in the moment.
I want to look at the stars and wonder.
I want to talk to the moon and dream.
I want to wake early to see the sunrise. 
I want to close my eyes just for a moment and simply be. 

But the world won’t let me. 

My deadlines hang in the air above me. 
My homework creates piles that drown me. 
My doom ticks closer with each passing day, each passing breath. 

There is no time to live in the moment. 
There is no time for me to wonder, dream, be, breathe, 
or even get a decent amount of sleep.

~hiddengirl75

Image by skeeze from Pixabay

Posted in Poetry

Questionable Physics Classes

Freshman year 
Period 3 Physics
With Mr. Sneeze
Quite questionable to say the least

We jumped from
Physics 
To health 
Then to social studies

Star wars
Video games
And social beliefs?!

Centripetal force?
Cocaine in hospitals?!
Half of us would have been dead in the medieval century?!

In this class
We were sports announcers
Roller coaster designers
And confused out of our minds!

We found physics 
In self defense
Sports
And stop lights?

But overall
It was fun 
With outrageous conversations

I guess it was questionable 
But worked all the same
Because I can still tell you
How to find the velocity of a flying airplane.

~hiddengirl75

P.S. Image is mine. A picture of my own 9th grade physics homework.

Posted in Poetry

Save Me

Save me from my own self destruction
A path I am stumbling down

Procrastination
Stress
Anxiety
Piles that touch the sky

Tearing myself down
No self confidence
Struggling to float

Drowning 
Grasping at air
Endless

Doom seems inevitable
My candle’s flame flickering out
One strong gust and it could disappear
I could disappear

So save me from myself 
The path of destruction 
I’ve set myself upon

School
A weight on my back
Life
A thing I am struggling to live

The bleakness that is my view
A window I stare out into
Empty, dark, endless

This is what the day brings
A harsh reality
A path to my doom

~hiddengirl75

P.S Not my image, found on Pinterest.

Posted in Poetry

Sweet Spinning

I don’t remember how old I was
But I knew at that moment 
I was in trouble

Were we running?
Horse playing?
Who knows…
But oh how much trouble we were in

We were told to sit 
So we sat
On the wooden benches
Quiet and impatient
Fidgeting under the hot sun

I was bored 
Utterly bored 
And full of rebellion

I’m not sure what got into me
But suddenly I was spinning
The world around me was a blur
And I was flying
Weightless, free, and full of reckless abandon

But freedom doesn’t last
And time froze
As I fell

Face first
Onto the asphalt
Scraping
Face, hands, and knees

Tears, bruises, and scolding followed
But just for a moment
I had tasted freedom
And it had been so sweet 

~hiddengirl75

Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay

Posted in Poetry

Beautiful Words

Beautiful words
From minds 
Similar 
Yet different

Beautiful
The only word
I can think to use
Though they are so much more

Simple yet complex
Childish yet wise
Charming yet haunting

Sharp contrasts 
Yet similar
And oh so
Beautiful 

Beauty I wish I could have
Eloquent and curled
Words tied with silk
And written in gold

Far beyond my reach
They taunt me 
Whispering in my ear
Brushing against my lips

Beauty that is not mine to hold
Anger, jealousy, sorrow
All for my own

Why must they torture me
Pulling, shoving, giggling
As I stand by helplessly watching

Beauty beyond my own 
Words so eloquent
I wish to whisper

To think so beautifully
To speak so eloquently
To share… 

A hope
A wish
A plea

My only thought,
Word, whisper… 
Please…

~hiddengirl75

Image by Anja🤗#helpinghands #solidarity#stays healthy🙏 from Pixabay

Posted in Poetry

Too Easily

Forgiving too easily
May be one of my many flaws
It does nothing 
But give another chance
For hurt to befall me

I pick up the pieces of my heart
Too quickly 
And smile
Too soon

Even I can see 
The danger of this
But that does me no good

I cried for the day
By tomorrow 
I’ll smile
Like nothing happened

I forgive too easily
But I don’t heal 
Fast enough

My emotions stumble
Struggling to keep up
But I can’t help it
‘Cause one of my many flaws
Is forgiving too easily

~hiddengirl75

Image by Thomas B. from Pixabay