writer – Wandering with me

Falling in love with lyrics

Posted on November 19, 2022 by Calista

To my friends, enemies, and those still under review,

Mornings in my 10th-grade English teacher’s classroom are my new favorite thing. She has this way of pointing out the best parts of a song and making you love it. It’s lovely and also sort of bittersweet to be in a room of hopeless (or not) romantics. I’m definitely one of the hopeless romantics, and I adore the way artists have a way with words.

Some of my favorites 💗

I’ll be pulling out the parts of the song that my teacher originally pointed out and then the ones that I clung to after listening to the song a million times.

💖 Angel Baby by Troye Sivan

Teacher:

“I always dreamed of a solemn face
Someone who feels like a holiday

Mine:

“Play me the classics
Something romantic

“I fall in love with the little things

💖 Love Song by Travis Atreo

Teacher:

“If you’re the actor, I’ll be the stage

Mine:

“If I could find the words to tell you how I feel
I’m afraid they’d take up pages

“If you’re a picture, then I’m your shot

💖 Stay by JC Stewart

My stupid heart, what have you done?

💖 CWJBHN by Jake Scott and Josie Dunne

You said your favorite kinda weather is a rainy day
And it’s raining in LA

💖 Gravity by Frances and Leo Stannard

You’re my gravity

My additions 💕

Here are a few songs that my teacher hasn’t pointed out but I feel give off the same vibes.

💖 Like My Father by Jax

I can’t pick one lyric because I love this entire song…even though it makes me sad enough to cry sometimes.

💖 Like Strangers Do by AJ Mitchell

“And the sound of your laugh when I say something funny
But nobody heard it, except for you

“If you saw me on the train would you look the other way?
Like strangers do
And if you passed me on the street
Would you look down at your feet
And move on through?
Like strangers do

💖 golden hour by JVKE

It’s hard to pick a lyric from this song because, well it’s not so much the lyrics but the sound of this song that draws me to it.

Are you a romantic? Tell me what your favorite romance song is in the comments! I’m always looking for new music to listen to ^^

Until we meet again…

~ calista

P.S. Featured photo by Disha Sheta from Pexels

Uncategorized

Missing all the people who probably don’t miss me

Posted on November 16, 2022 by Calista

You know when that time of night hits 
Where you miss everyone 
Including all the people who probably don’t miss you too

So much so you’d give a lot to be back with them 
Walking around, talking, smiling

But it’ll probably never be that way again 
Cause the last time you saw them was years ago…
Or maybe it was yesterday…
But everything has changed
And you don’t know how to tell them 
That you miss them
Cause you’re not sure why you do 

Caught in a constant loop
Of missing
And being fine

Until you see that car that’s way too common 
Or go through an area that leads to them 

It hurts when you can remember too much
Or not enough
Like how you can vividly recall that conversation you once had
But can’t seem to think of their favorite color 
If you had even known it in the first place

But instead of telling them 
You write
And pretend that maybe they’ll see it 
Or maybe you’ll send it to them
When you know they won’t 
And you won’t 

So all you do is wonder if you’re one of those people they think of when that time of night hits
And they miss everyone 
Including you

Until we meet again…

~ calista

P.S. Featured photo by mikoto.raw Photographer from Pexels

Poetry

(Un)easy

Posted on July 12, 2022July 12, 2022 by Calista

It was easy to be your friend
Because you put in all the effort

Asked all the questions I was used to asking
Listened when it felt like my friends weren’t 
Made me laugh. 

In a twisted way, it felt like you got me 

You’re stuck in my head
Because you’re the only one 
Who’s ever shown interest 
Like that. 

I love the possibility you hold
The fact that something like that
Could happen to me 
Even if it crumbled in the end

When did it fall apart?
When I realized or solidified that you were in for far more than I intended?

I was not oblivious 
I could tell that some part of your intentions were…
Odd 
But I pushed it aside 
Let myself be naive 

But now, 
You know my secrets 
And that scares me

I know yours too
But that only worries me

It was so easy 
It made me uneasy 

It was easy 
Until it wasn’t

~ calista

Poetry

Like you

Posted on July 10, 2022 by Calista

It’s not like I wanted to hate you
But you made it hard not to
Made me feel boring and so small

Everything was wrong

But it was like looking in a mirror
Could I be like you?

It feels weird to hate you 
When we had so much in common 

A tv show you mentioned 
I watch now
And love
Feeling sick 
Because it makes us that much more alike 

I found a music channel 
That you’d probably like 
I was so close to sending it 
But then it’s just be something else we share

It sucks to know so much about you
Cause it means you pop up everywhere
And memories of our conversations 
Flood my head

And it’s not like I wanted to hate you
I don’t 

But when
I’m reminded of everything wrong that you’ve done
I feel a little better 
Because there’s no way
I could be like you.

~ calista

Poetry

Poem + Small Update

Posted on December 15, 2021 by Calista

Hi…this is awkward. It’s been a while, and my schedule is no longer alive…sorry. Anyway, I’m going on winter break soon so hopefully, I’ll be getting out all the posts that I’ve been mean to but for now, have this poem that I got inspired to write and have rewritten many times and am still not completely satisfied with it but I need some kind of validation.

Over it

So I have this thing
You can call it a crush, 
If you want

I thought it was a blip
An illogical thought
And sometimes I still think it is 

So I tell myself I’m over it

But…
The way she smiles catches me off guard

I’m over it but… 
My breath catches when I’m next to her

There’s a million things that should throw me off 
So I’m over it but…
I find everything so endearing 

I’m not in stats 
But I know it’s all highly improbable 
So I’m completely and totally over it

But…what does it mean when I’m blanking on a math test and she’s all I can think of?

I’m over it but…
Instead of doing homework I’m writing my first poem in forever
About her

But I’m over it…
Even though she’s the one I look to, not the camera

I say I’m over it but…
When she texts I fumble for a response
And when she doesn’t, I hope every notification is her

Denial isn't pretty but neither is rejection 
And that’s all I can think about as I watch her walk away

So I’m completely and totally over it…
But the class we share has got me in a mess

Love you guys ❤

~calista

Talking Story

A change?

Posted on October 20, 2021October 18, 2021 by Calista

Hi, nice to meet you all. I’m Calista. Now you’ve known me as “hiddengirl75” for maybe two years or less, but I’m thinking about changing that. “hiddengirl75” feels so cliche and I suppose it is. It’s the name I wanted to hide behind and write under, but now it just feels too long and too artificial.

If you can’t tell this is one of my late night thoughts and spontaneous decisions. I mean I’ve thought about a name change for a while, but I’ve never really acted on it. It is currently 9:11pm on 9/26/21 and I’m supposed to be doing homework like always. It’s never really a surprise that I’m procrastinating, is it?

I’m currently in between Calista or some sort of abbreviation or something. I might want to keep it simple though just Calista. I don’t even know if I’m going to post this or if it’s just going to sit in my drafts box forever.

I have many reasons for wanting a change…okay maybe not that many but enough. I want to make sure my work isn’t going to be stolen from under me or that I won’t be able to take credit for it. I also want my blog to feel more personal and not just some random person typing. Admitting that though, I am just a random person typing. What a paradox.

Would it be so hard to change everything from “hiddengirl75” to Calista? Would I be willing to give up my small slice of anonymity? Who knows, well I guess you guys will if I ever post this.

Until we meet again….be spontaneous!

~ ~~hiddengirl75~~ Calista 💕

P.S. Sorry this isn’t a poem…since that’s what I normally post on Wednesdays.

P.P.S. Haha looks like I posted it…whoo

Talking Story

Carpe Diem…need I say more?

Posted on September 18, 2021 by Calista

Guess who just watched Dead Poets Society more times than what is probably healthy?! 🙋🏽 Look I had zero expectations going in, I’ve heard about it before watching but I basically knew nothing about it. Cue the appearance of it on Youtube for free with ads….at 9pm on a school night….what else was I supposed to do, not watch it?? So, as the story goes I watched it and kind of did my homework at the same time. What a way to spend a Thursday night.

Basically that’s all I wanted to say. But also just wanted to shout my love for this movie and the characters from the top of a roof. Besides Richard Cameron, like ew no. Anyway, I’ve been scrolling through Pinterest aesthetics for this movie since then. Kind of want to make one myself……thinking about it as I write this, might include it at the end of this word vomit.

Oooh new goal for this year, read and own the book. Maybe even own the movie on DVD, I think that’d be cool.

Haha I seriously have no train of thought and just wanted to post something to share with you peeps 🙃

I’ve also recently watched Freedom Writers an unhealthy amount of times. That was such an amazing movie. I also watched it in the middle of the night….huh guess that’s a trend. I even ordered the book…kind of excited to read it.

Movies like those kind of just make you want to follow your dreams….even when you don’t really know where they’ll lead you. Taking the road less traveled, right?

They almost inspire me enough to write a new poem….almost. 😅

Until we meet again…follow your dreams.

~hiddengirl75

Poetry

Drown

Posted on July 14, 2021July 4, 2021 by Calista

Can I drown out my thoughts...please? 
The music isn’t loud enough
The silence allows too much

Too much
Thinking
Feeling
Doubting
Crying

I’m tired
Can it stop? please...

🔊

Alone
I’m so alone
Lost in my thoughts
Drowning

Can I drown them? 
Before they drown me
Oh 
How the tables would turn

Maybe not
I don’t deserve it
Maybe I should drown
It’s not too much
Not a problem
My thoughts 
Not too intrusive 

I can drown
Let the darkness consume me 
Just a while longer

Maybe they’ll disappear
Just let them take me 

The lyrics 
The song
Muffled
Too quiet 
Not enough 

🔊

Thoughts persevere 
I can float a while longer
Save the others, not me…

Until we meet again…have all my love and stay safe ❤

~hiddengirl75

P.S. Featured Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay

Fun Friday, Tags/Awards, Talking Story

Fun Friday: GIF-Y love tag

Posted on July 9, 2021July 2, 2021 by Calista

Hi! Happy Friday, the end of another week…my actual first week of summer without summer school, though I still have AP summer work

Anyway, today I’ve decided to do the GIF-Y love tag. I first saw this tag on Annie’s blog at evening tea musings and I thought it looked like a lot of fun (considering I use GIFs a LOT when I text lol)! Annie used different prompts from the original ones but I’m going to do a few of the original prompts, a couple of Annie’s, and some I changed to match my use of GIFs.

Rules

Mention the creators Tiction and Nehal.
Thank the person who tagged you and leave a link to their blog.
Use the tag #gif-y-love and choose a GIF you love for each of the provided prompts.
Tag at least 5 people.

✨ The GIFs ✨

Bored

Angry

Fangirling

Being Judgemental

Stu(dying)

Frustrated

Annoyed

Hugs

Comforting

Bonus:

Crying

Nominees

I’m just going to keep the nominations open for anyone to do…

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

I had loads of fun with this tag! I actually ended up changing quite a few of the prompts to match what I mostly use GIFs for but I still used a couple of the original prompts. I encourage you to do this tag if you haven’t already!!

Until we meet again…

~hiddengirl75 ❤

Poetry

Random Question

Posted on July 7, 2021July 4, 2021 by Calista

Hey… 
Random question… 
How are you doing today?

We haven’t talked in a while
And I fear we are drifting away

I tell myself it’s logical
We were not meant to be
But deep inside I wonder
Then why did we meet?

I know it sounds cliche 
Like a silly love story
But our friendship is important
So can it please not be

Not all relationships are fairy tales
And ours certainly is not
I thought we’d be friends forever 
But it turns out we may not

I drifted away 
And you’ve disappeared
At least that’s how I see it

On other days I wonder
Could I be misled?
Maybe I disappeared
And you’ve drifted away
But who knows how you see it 

I tell myself it’s logical
To stay far away
I’ll be safer
And away from heartbreak

You have not texted me
And I have not messaged you

There are days where I falter
And reach out to text you
It’s almost second nature
With the 24/7 texting
We used to do

Now it’s been 2 months 
And I wonder if you miss me too…
Though you probably do not
And I probably meant nothing to you

So I stay away
Convincing myself that’s the truth
If you wanted to talk to me
You would have
But there’s nothing I can do.

Hi, this was a really old poem, well not REALLY old, but pretty old. It doesn’t really mean the same thing it meant when I first wrote it but I still really like it so I decided to post it anyway. I can’t remember why I didn’t post it when I originally wrote it but here it is now. 🙂

Until we meet again…have all my love and stay safe ❤

~hiddengirl75

P.S. Featured Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay