Posted in Poetry

Poem + Small Update

Hi…this is awkward. It’s been a while, and my schedule is no longer alive…sorry. Anyway, I’m going on winter break soon so hopefully, I’ll be getting out all the posts that I’ve been mean to but for now, have this poem that I got inspired to write and have rewritten many times and am still not completely satisfied with it but I need some kind of validation.


Over it

So I have this thing
You can call it a crush, 
If you want

I thought it was a blip
An illogical thought
And sometimes I still think it is 

So I tell myself I’m over it

But…
The way she smiles catches me off guard

I’m over it but… 
My breath catches when I’m next to her

There’s a million things that should throw me off 
So I’m over it but…
I find everything so endearing 

I’m not in stats 
But I know it’s all highly improbable 
So I’m completely and totally over it

But…what does it mean when I’m blanking on a math test and she’s all I can think of?

I’m over it but…
Instead of doing homework I’m writing my first poem in forever
About her

But I’m over it…
Even though she’s the one I look to, not the camera

I say I’m over it but…
When she texts I fumble for a response
And when she doesn’t, I hope every notification is her

Denial isn't pretty but neither is rejection 
And that’s all I can think about as I watch her walk away

So I’m completely and totally over it…
But the class we share has got me in a mess  

Love you guys ❤

~calista

Posted in Talking Story

A change?

Hi, nice to meet you all. I’m Calista. Now you’ve known me as “hiddengirl75” for maybe two years or less, but I’m thinking about changing that. “hiddengirl75” feels so cliche and I suppose it is. It’s the name I wanted to hide behind and write under, but now it just feels too long and too artificial.

If you can’t tell this is one of my late night thoughts and spontaneous decisions. I mean I’ve thought about a name change for a while, but I’ve never really acted on it. It is currently 9:11pm on 9/26/21 and I’m supposed to be doing homework like always. It’s never really a surprise that I’m procrastinating, is it?

I’m currently in between Calista or some sort of abbreviation or something. I might want to keep it simple though just Calista. I don’t even know if I’m going to post this or if it’s just going to sit in my drafts box forever.

I have many reasons for wanting a change…okay maybe not that many but enough. I want to make sure my work isn’t going to be stolen from under me or that I won’t be able to take credit for it. I also want my blog to feel more personal and not just some random person typing. Admitting that though, I am just a random person typing. What a paradox.

Would it be so hard to change everything from “hiddengirl75” to Calista? Would I be willing to give up my small slice of anonymity? Who knows, well I guess you guys will if I ever post this.

Until we meet again….be spontaneous!

~ hiddengirl75 Calista 💕

P.S. Sorry this isn’t a poem…since that’s what I normally post on Wednesdays.

P.P.S. Haha looks like I posted it…whoo

Posted in Talking Story

Carpe Diem…need I say more?

Guess who just watched Dead Poets Society more times than what is probably healthy?! 🙋🏽 Look I had zero expectations going in, I’ve heard about it before watching but I basically knew nothing about it. Cue the appearance of it on Youtube for free with ads….at 9pm on a school night….what else was I supposed to do, not watch it?? So, as the story goes I watched it and kind of did my homework at the same time. What a way to spend a Thursday night.

Basically that’s all I wanted to say. But also just wanted to shout my love for this movie and the characters from the top of a roof. Besides Richard Cameron, like ew no. Anyway, I’ve been scrolling through Pinterest aesthetics for this movie since then. Kind of want to make one myself……thinking about it as I write this, might include it at the end of this word vomit.

Oooh new goal for this year, read and own the book. Maybe even own the movie on DVD, I think that’d be cool.

Haha I seriously have no train of thought and just wanted to post something to share with you peeps 🙃

I’ve also recently watched Freedom Writers an unhealthy amount of times. That was such an amazing movie. I also watched it in the middle of the night….huh guess that’s a trend. I even ordered the book…kind of excited to read it.

Movies like those kind of just make you want to follow your dreams….even when you don’t really know where they’ll lead you. Taking the road less traveled, right?

They almost inspire me enough to write a new poem….almost. 😅

Until we meet again…follow your dreams.

~hiddengirl75

Posted in Poetry

Drown

Can I drown out my thoughts...please? 
The music isn’t loud enough
The silence allows too much

Too much
Thinking
Feeling
Doubting
Crying

I’m tired
Can it stop? please...

🔊

Alone
I’m so alone
Lost in my thoughts
Drowning

Can I drown them?
Before they drown me
Oh
How the tables would turn

Maybe not
I don’t deserve it
Maybe I should drown
It’s not too much
Not a problem
My thoughts
Not too intrusive

I can drown
Let the darkness consume me
Just a while longer

Maybe they’ll disappear
Just let them take me

The lyrics
The song
Muffled
Too quiet
Not enough

🔊

Thoughts persevere
I can float a while longer
Save the others, not me…

Until we meet again…have all my love and stay safe ❤

~hiddengirl75

P.S. Featured Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay

Posted in Fun Friday, Tags/Awards, Talking Story

Fun Friday: GIF-Y love tag

Hi! Happy Friday, the end of another week…my actual first week of summer without summer school, though I still have AP summer work :/

Anyway, today I’ve decided to do the GIF-Y love tag. I first saw this tag on Annie’s blog at evening tea musings and I thought it looked like a lot of fun (considering I use GIFs a LOT when I text lol)! Annie used different prompts from the original ones but I’m going to do a few of the original prompts, a couple of Annie’s, and some I changed to match my use of GIFs.

Rules

  • Mention the creators Tiction and Nehal.
  • Thank the person who tagged you and leave a link to their blog.
  • Use the tag #gif-y-love and choose a GIF you love for each of the provided prompts.
  • Tag at least 5 people.

✨ The GIFs ✨

Bored

Angry

The Pillow is my weapon of choice lol

Fangirling

Being Judgemental

Stu(dying)

Frustrated

Annoyed

There is a difference between annoyed and angry pillow throwing, one is done with a forced smile.

Hugs

Comforting

Bonus:

Crying

Nominees

I’m just going to keep the nominations open for anyone to do…

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

I had loads of fun with this tag! I actually ended up changing quite a few of the prompts to match what I mostly use GIFs for but I still used a couple of the original prompts. I encourage you to do this tag if you haven’t already!!

Until we meet again…

~hiddengirl75 ❤

Posted in Poetry

Random Question

Hey… 
Random question… 
How are you doing today?

We haven’t talked in a while
And I fear we are drifting away

I tell myself it’s logical
We were not meant to be
But deep inside I wonder
Then why did we meet?

I know it sounds cliche 
Like a silly love story
But our friendship is important
So can it please not be

Not all relationships are fairy tales
And ours certainly is not
I thought we’d be friends forever 
But it turns out we may not

I drifted away 
And you’ve disappeared
At least that’s how I see it

On other days I wonder
Could I be misled?
Maybe I disappeared
And you’ve drifted away
But who knows how you see it 

I tell myself it’s logical
To stay far away
I’ll be safer
And away from heartbreak

You have not texted me
And I have not messaged you

There are days where I falter
And reach out to text you
It’s almost second nature
With the 24/7 texting
We used to do

Now it’s been 2 months 
And I wonder if you miss me too…
Though you probably do not
And I probably meant nothing to you

So I stay away
Convincing myself that’s the truth
If you wanted to talk to me
You would have
But there’s nothing I can do.

Hi, this was a really old poem, well not REALLY old, but pretty old. It doesn’t really mean the same thing it meant when I first wrote it but I still really like it so I decided to post it anyway. I can’t remember why I didn’t post it when I originally wrote it but here it is now. 🙂

Until we meet again…have all my love and stay safe ❤

~hiddengirl75

P.S. Featured Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay

Posted in Fun Friday, Music, Talking Story

Fun Friday: Youtube Playlists I’ve Enjoyed 🎶

Heyo peeps! Welcoming to another Fun Friday, Happy 🍟 day! I really want french fries lol. Anyway, today I’ve decided to share some youtube playlists that I love. I really like looking for new music and playlists that match my feelings at different moments in time. Themed playlists are lovely things that I admire the creators for, I’d love to be able to match songs to feelings as well as they do. I’ve categorized the playlists into different themes and then further into to different events. I hope you enjoy them or find a new favorite song

✨The Playlists✨


💃🏽 Dance Dance 🕺🏽

Dancing 🕺🏽

For the times you just feel like jumping on your bed or flailing (’cause I don’t dance I just flail my arms around lol) around the room.

Twirling 💃🏽

Some may say that “twirling” is the same as dancing or flailing around, but I beg to differ. Twirling is done in a long preferably poofy skirt and moderate heels or no shoes at all in the middle of the night, with or without a partner.


✨ W/ or W/o Friends, Chilling ✨

Hanging Out 🎤📹

Songs to sing to goofily and laugh or just play in the background living that main character life.

Late Nights 🌃

Lying in the dark at a sleepover talking about nothing and everything at once. Dreams, fears, and feelings. Late nights are for secrets and giggling.

Doing Nothing 🌧

Staring at the ceiling just breathing in life. There’s nothing to do and productivity is a thing of the past. Cold tiles, wooden floors, or carpet, it doesn’t matter. C’est la vie.


🎻 Academics ✏️

Trying to Study While the Sun is Still Up 📝📓📖🌅

Trying to be a productive, A+ student who doesn’t stay up ’til the crack of dawn. Rather we wake up at dawn and do our homework at a reasonable time, after school while the sun is still shining and the world is awake. The ideal study schedule where a decent amount of sleep is the norm.

Late Night Studying 📝📓📖🌃

When you’ve given up on being a student who studies when the sun is still up. Procrastination has caught you in it’s snares, now it’s the middle of the night and your final project is due in the morning. Or maybe a burst of creativity has enthralled you and you must follow it. Either way the world is sleeping, the stars are bright, and sounds are quiet.

Drowning Out Thoughts 🔊🎧

When all seems to be falling apart, the paper is blank and your thoughts seem too loud. Nothing is working and all hope seems lost. Sometimes you just need that silence that comes from blasting music.


✨ Other ✨

Playlist I really wanted to recommend 💖

I’ve listened to this playlist for everything above. Dancing, vibing, studying, and drowning my thoughts, a playlist for all and any occasions.

I hope you enjoyed!

Until we meet again…have all my love and listen to some good music! ❤

~hiddengirl75

P.S. I hope it’s obvious but none of these playlists or songs are mine, I just wanted to share them with you guys.

Posted in Poetry

Panic

I feel lost
And shaken

In my chest
This heavy feeling
Don’t ask me
I don’t know why

Breathing
Hurts

I feel like I’m drowning

Then again,
It’s nothing like drowning

I’ve been close once
To drowning
I mean

This is nothing like that

I can’t-
Panicking
I’m panicked
I can’t-

My brain hurts
And my chest is heavy

I feel so lost
Drowning
Not

Can’t breath
Chest heavy

Why? please...

Until we meet again…have all my love ❤

~hiddengirl75

P.S. Featured Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay

P.P.S. I don’t necessarily think this is a good poem, but I decided to post it anyway because I figured that poetry isn’t black and white, good or bad, and if anything it’ll just show that sometimes I write bad poetry, or at least something that I think is bad.

Posted in Music Monday

Music Monday: Retro Love – BOYHOOD

Heyo peeps!! Welcome back to the second Music Monday on my blog! >_<

Music Monday is hosted by Drew at The Tattooed Book Geek. It’s basically sharing one of your favorite song and it’s lyrics every Monday, and it’s open to anyone to do!

Today, I’m going to share Retro Love by BOYHOOD. It’s a k-pop/k-indie song that I’ve recently been in love with. It has a very retro vibe, the music video is also really cute. I hope you enjoy it!

✨ Retro Love – BOYHOOD ✨ 📹

English Translation

Just like that, just like that
The day before yesterday, you looked at me just like that
Making me lonely, lonely
Because you are just you without any 'Why'
 
I must have been a little tipsy last night
I'm sorry no matter what you say
Even though the sky is blue
I have to go take a walk alone
 
It seems like you only see me as a friend
Live however you want to live
 
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
Since it's all over, baby, come take a look
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
It's probably still a cold winter outside
Are you okay?
 
It's probably still a cold winter
 
A blue, a blue
A new blue pretentious look of yours
You make me, you make me
Confused again
I've got no clue, just beat everything up
 
I got a nervous
I'll Retro Love you
Even though the sky is black
I feel like I have to sleep alone
 
Even in dreams you and I are still only friends
Live however you want to live
 
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
Since it's all over, baby, come take a look
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
It's probably still a cold winter outside
Are you okay?
 
It's probably still a cold winter
 
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
Since it's all over, baby, come take a look
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
It's probably still a cold winter outside
Are you okay?
 
It's probably still a cold winter.

Korean Lyrics

넌 그렇게 그렇게
넌 그저께 날 그저 그렇게 봐
난 외롭게 외롭게
넌 왜 없게 넌 그저 그러니까
 
어제는 조금 취했었나 봐
미안해 네가 뭐라든 간에
하늘도 파란데
홀로 가야지 산책
 
넌 나를 친구로만 생각하네
너 마음대로 하도록 하세요
 
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
다 끝났으니 그대여 살펴가시오
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
밖은 아직도 추운 겨울일 텐데
Are you okay?
 
추운 겨울일 텐데
 
파렇게 파렇게
새파란 네 가식적인 모습이
나를 또 나를 또
햇갈리게 해
모르겠다 다 때려 쳐
 
I got a nervous
I'll Retro Love you
하늘도 검은데
홀로 자야지 선감
 
꿈에서도 너와 나 친구 사이
너 마음대로 하도록 하세요
 
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
다 끝났으니 그대여 살펴가시오
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
밖은 아직도 추운 겨울일 텐데
Are you okay?
 
추운 겨울일 텐데
 
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
다 끝났으니 그대여 살펴가시오
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
Rock and Rock and Roll baby
밖은 아직도 추운 겨울일 텐데
Are you okay?
 
추운 겨울일 텐데

Lyrics and translations courtesy of: Lyrics Translate and Musixmatch

Lyrics by BOYHOOD (남동현)

Composed by BOYHOOD (남동현)

Arranged by BOYHOOD (남동현), 엄주혁

Until we meet again…

~hiddengirl75 ❤

Posted in Fun Friday, Talking Story

Fun Friday: Two Podcasts I Love!

Heyo peeps!! Is it odd to see me posting three times in a week? It was kind of weird for me but let’s both get used to it because I hope to establish this as my weekly posting schedule. One of my goals for this year is to post more and that’s what I intend to do! So without further ado let me introduce you guys to Fun Friday, my Friday post theme.

Along with Music Monday and my Wednesday poetry posts, I hope to keep up Fun Friday. When I was in middle school, my advisory (homeroom) held Fun Fridays where we would play games or do something fun. Rather than playing games I have decided to dedicate Fridays to posts that are more personal to me (like my poems aren’t already pieces of my heart and brain lol). These posts will range from things I love, my fears, or just fun discussions.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

Today, for my first Fun Friday post I decided to begin with something light and easy, podcasts! I’ve recently gotten really into podcasts. I used to think that I wouldn’t have the attention span to pay attention to a 30 minute podcast with no visuals but I’ve found that they are great to listen to while getting ready in the morning or while doing chores.

Two podcasts that I’ve found myself listening to often are “SciShow Tangents” and “I Love It!” I haven’t caught up to the most recent episodes yet but they are both really interesting!

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

SciShow Tangents

“SciShow Tangents” is a fun way to learn intriguing science facts and is hosted by Hank Green, Ceri Riley, Stefan Chin, and Sam Schultz. They amaze and educate through a series of different friendly competitions based around a theme. There’s quick talking, tangents, and tons of odd facts.

I have to admit I at first only looked at it because Hank Green was one of the hosts but I quickly became intrigued by the odd themes and facts. I now hope to be able to spout out random facts and get some confused looks. Heh, don’t mind me just trying to start conversations. 😅 😂

Can be found @

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

I Love It!

“I Love It!” is hosted by Matthew Gaydos and it invites people to talk about the things they love. The topics range from the Scripps National Spelling Bee (that’s the first episode) to Star Wars.

I really love this podcast because I enjoy listening to people talk about what they love. It really inspires me; many of the interests I have is because someone expressed such a strong passion for it that it hooked my attention too. I haven’t pursued very many of the interests for prolonged periods of time but it’s always interesting to hear about the different subjects that people can talk about for hours.

Can be found @

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

While both can be found on different websites, I listen to them on Spotify. If you end up looking into on of them or both, I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. >~<

Until we meet again…comment below what your favorite podcast is and enjoy some time catching up or re-listening to it.

~hiddengirl75 ❤

P.S.

A Piece of Wisdom

Image is from Pixabay, the quote, and the editing done to put the quote over it is not.